I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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