every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
