I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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