i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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