That's when you crack a 10am beer
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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