fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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