Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
