Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
