I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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