please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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