Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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