she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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