wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
