It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
