I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
