TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
