and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
