just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
