she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
