No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
