do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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