the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
