she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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