He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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