DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I party with great urgency now.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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