Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
