you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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