I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
