I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
