Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
