I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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