she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
