I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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