do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
