Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
