he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
