May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
