hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
