Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
