I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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