Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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