i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
