If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
