I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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