Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
