yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
