We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
