phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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