Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
