Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
